


How soon is now?

by ashyluka



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Instability, Pressure, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 09:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9173119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashyluka/pseuds/ashyluka
Summary: Kageyama Tobio is at his breaking point, he hides everything he's feeling from everyone, until one day Tsukishima Kei walks in on him during a breakdown after forgetting his headphones in the locker room of their school gym. And he decides he has no choice but to help his classmate get help.





	1. I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Over and over now, the setter repeated his movements. The gym was darkly lit at this time, the sun setting outside. His classmates had long since left practice and here he was once again, alone with nothing except the sound of the volleyball as it hit the wall in front of him repeatedly.

Tobio had been doing this for weeks now. Going to school, practicing with his team as if everything was normal, dealing with dumbass Hinata, and then lagging behind when everyone left for home before going back into the gym to practice by himself.

His thoughts were drowning him constantly. The fears were growing worse. It didn’t matter how many times he was told by his teammates that they weren’t going to abandon him, he just knew deep inside that it would happen anyway. It always did.

It happened at Kitagawa Daiichi, who was anyone else to tell him they wouldn’t do the same? They didn’t understand, they didn’t get it. They would _never_ get it.

Gritting his teeth, he began to hit the ball harder at the wall. It would bounce back towards him violently, and he didn’t even care. He didn’t care. He just hit it again, over and over. If anyone was there watching him, they’d be concerned he’d break it---break the ball, break himself.

But no one was there, and no one had noticed he was already breaking inside.

The stress was too much, the expectations set upon him as a ‘prodigy’ were way too much. He was pushing himself to a breaking point and he knew it, but he refused to acknowledge it because if he did, then he’d have to let down his facade. He felt like it was weakness to cry, to express his emotions. And if he had to acknowledge everything he was feeling, then everyone would know just how weak he was.

_“You’re a failure.”_

 

_“You’re not good enough, King.”_

 

_“King of the Court? HA. In your dreams.”_

 

_“We don’t want to be around you anymore.”_

 

_“You’re supposed to be stronger than this.”_

 

_“I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”_

 

The voices in his head swirled and taunted. All he could hear in that moment was everyone who had ever hurt him or his feelings. With a loud whimper, he hit the ball one last time roughly towards the door before dropping to his knees on the floor.

 

“ **SHUT UP.**

  **LEAVE ME ALONE.**

 ...Please…

 ....stop.”

 

Tobio found himself curled into himself, arms wrapped around himself in a mock sort-of hug. He was desperate for someone to hug him, to comfort him, to tell him he was okay and that he was loved and that he was far more than enough.

But he was alone. Everyone had left by now.

Hot tears began to water in his eyes and then dropped, one by one, down his face. His shoulders shook as he sobbed.

He was ugly crying at that moment, loudly. It echoed and all he could hear was the sound of himself in so much overwhelming emotional pain. It was foreign even to his own ears. He knew it was himself, but a part of him had disassociated from this moment and failed to recognize that it was him.

There was a sudden sound of the creak of the door opening, and had he looked up once during his pained sobs, Kageyama would have noticed that someone had walked in on him when he was most vulnerable.


	2. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular

Tsukishima had left practice earlier that night feeling as if something was wrong. He wasn’t stupid, far from it. Something had been wrong for weeks with Kageyama, something terribly wrong.

The black-haired, stoic setter had been caught falling asleep in class multiple times, and he had been more aggressive with his setting. He had accidentally injured Hinata during practice quite a few times this week alone, and he was much more quiet than usual.

Of course he brushed off any concerns immediately if they were brought up by anyone (specifically Suga), and eventually, everyone just stopped questioning in general.

Kageyama was always a private person and everyone accepted it. Everyone except Tsukishima.

It was bullcrap to him, he didn’t buy any of the excuses being made. But he wasn’t about to be the one to show that he was concerned just yet.

Too bad he had picked today to accidentally leave behind his beloved Sony headphones in the locker room.

So here he was, back at the school to retrieve them, and he walked in on the pitiful sight of his friend (he could call him that, right?) crying on the ground and lost within himself.

It actually physically ached for him to see. It was annoying that he had to be the one to see this, knowing fully well that he was probably the first one to have walked in on Tobio like this, but he wasn’t heartless. 

Hesitantly, carefully, he walked towards him. Slowly sinking down next to him, unsure of what exactly to do, he went with what felt right and gently wrapped his arms around Kageyama.

“...Hey, it will be okay. Okay? I promise you, it’s okay.” Tsukki said with an awkward swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

   


* * *

  
He had been caught. Tobio had been caught in the one state of mind he never wanted anyone to see. And of course, of fucking course, he only began to sob harder once those arms were wrapped around him.

He wanted to push him away, to shove the blond away from him and run. Run so far that he couldn’t catch up to him, and then the subject would have to be dropped. He wanted to leave and go home and come back to school the following day looking as if nothing had ever happened.

But he stayed.

He didn’t know why, he felt panicked being seen like this, but at the same time he was so desperate to be comforted by somebody.

Kei was the last person he’d want to comfort him honestly, but it felt right. It felt weird and strange, but in this moment, it was who he needed.

Slowly, he moved his arms and gripped at the back of Tsukishima’s shirt. His sobs only grew louder as he nestled his head into his chest.

He wanted to cry, cry and scream. He wanted to get angry about this so badly, but the anger never bubbled up. At least not about Tsukishima.

“W-Why are you here? Why? You should go, I’m pathetic, I’ll be fine....J-Just go Kei, please. Go.” He babbled, voice hoarse from how hard he had been crying. His actions however made his words invalid, because he still clung onto Tsukishima with a desperation that clearly said ‘Don’t go.’

“Shhh...I’m not going anywhere. I...I left behind my headphones. But they don’t matter right now, okay? They don’t matter. Tobio...what’s up? I’m not leaving you like this.” Tsukishima said softly, his hold on Kageyama tightening. His hands rubbed circles onto his back, chin resting on the top of his head.

“. . . I’m not good enough, Tsukishima. I’m never going to be good enough. I’m not worth it. You should just go.” Came the weak reply from below him, the raven was a hypocrite though and tightened his grip on Tsukishima’s back.

“. . . What’s gotten into you, King? How long have you been feeling like this? You have to be stupid if you think I’m leaving you like this. I’ll say it one more time, I’m not going, okay?” The blonde said softly, continuing to stroke his back.

* * *

   


The two sat there like that on the floor for an indefinite amount of time. Gradually, Tobio’s sobs lessened until he was silent. The trembling had stopped, his grip relaxed, but he didn’t dare let go of his teammate. He gave up on being listened to, he knew his words were a lie and that the actions spoke much louder. If he really wanted Kei to leave, he would have pushed him off of him the minute he came over to comfort him.

Slowly, Kageyama was the first to pull away. He didn’t fully leave however, sniffling as he warily looked up and into the hazel eyes of the middle blocker. 

Tsukishima, of course, still looked concerned. While he allowed Tobio to move away from him, he didn’t dare fully move his hands away from the setter’s back. 

To anyone who would see them on the outside looking in, this might appear intimate. 

However, to him, he was only doing the only thing he knew how to do to comfort someone. His older brother had had a break down once before too, though for different reasons, and the only thing that seemed to help was physical contact to let him know that he wasn’t disappointed in his older brother as much as his older brother believed that he was.

Kageyama’s dark eyes held a certain look of exhaustion in them, almost devoid of emotion. But Tsukishima didn’t dare look away, swallowing before he finally spoke up, bringing a hand up to Kageyama’s face to brush away the fallen fringe from his eyes.

“Hey, do you want to come over to my house for the night, Tobio? I usually don’t let anyone spend the night except Yamaguchi but...I think it would be good for you. Just a distraction, okay? We can talk---”

“We aren’t talking about anything.” Kageyama quickly interrupted, shoving Tsukishima away from him abruptly as he scrambled up to his feet. His cheeks were red and puffy, more so from crying than embarrassment, but he didn’t run. No, he just stood there awkwardly, waiting for the other to get up next to him.

“Okay, okay. Chill. We don’t have to talk about things, okay? But...let’s hang out, would that be okay?” Tsukishima asked, slow to his feet but finding himself standing next to Kageyama. He was confused about why the setter was letting his guard down around him, but knowing Kageyama, he was more than likely just as confused as he was.

Kageyama was slow to reply, only reaching out to grab at Tsukki’s wrist and drag him to the locker room. “Get your headphones so we can get out of here.” He stated blankly, shoving him in. “Go. I’m hungry.”

Tsukishima only smirked. This right here sounded more like the Kageyama he knew. But even underneath the smirk he wore, he knew more was going on inside the others head, and that this would take more time than he thought to be fully trusted and allowed to help the other. One step at a time, right?


End file.
